The best "catches" in dating land may be the worst choices in the long-run, new research shows.

Popular people who monitor themselves carefully in social situations and thereby appear to be the most socially appropriate are often highly sought after as romantic partners, a study finds, but these people show less satisfaction and commitment in relationships than socially-awkward people.


By self-monitoring, people assess how their actions affect others and adjust to fit the appropriateness of the situation. They screen their words and behavior to suit the people around them.


"High self-monitors are social chameleons," said Northwestern University professor of communication studies Michael E. Roloff."And, because they're quick to pick up on social cues, are socially adept and unlikely to say things upsetting to others, they are generally well-liked and sought after."


Self-monitoring is often a helpful attribute.


"Research finds [self-monitors] to be excellent negotiators and far more likely to be promoted at work than their low self-monitoring peers,” Roloff said.


But there’s a downside for high self-monitors when it comes to their romantic relationships.


"High self-monitors may appear to be the kind of people we want to have relationships with, but they themselves are less committed to and less happy in their relationships than low self-monitors," Roloff said.


The problem seems to be that they can't turn the self-monitoring off.


"The desire to alter one's personality to appropriately fit a given situation or social climate prevents high self-monitors from presenting their true selves during intimate interactions with their romantic partners," Roloff said. "High self-monitors are very likeable and successful people. However, it appears they’re just not deep."


Roloff and co-authors Courtney N. Wright and Adrienne Holloway conducted a study of 97 single young adults to investigate the effects of self-monitoring on romantic relationships. The results will be detailed in the journal Communication Reports.


The researchers surveyed study participants about the levels of emotional commitment in their romantic relationships and assessed their degrees of self-monitoring, intimate communication, levels of emotional commitment, relational satisfaction and relational commitment.


They did not survey the partners of study participants. "That may be something we eventually should look at," Roloff said.


High self-monitors seem to avoid face-threatening interactions and honest self-disclosure. Thus partners of these people may be completely in the dark about the extent of their significant other’s degree of commitment and regard.


"It's not that high self-monitors are intentionally deceptive or evil," Roloff said. "They appear to have an outlook and way of achieving their goals that makes them attractive to us socially but that prevents them from being particularly happy or loyal in their romantic relationships."


Conversely, the researchers found that low self-monitors — people who are the least concerned with social appropriateness and are unlikely to mask their feelings or opinions to avoid confrontation or preserve their self-image — are more committed to and more satisfied with their relationships.


Those awkward people who always seem to be sticking their feet in their mouths may ultimately be more genuine and capable of intimate relationships. However, their honesty and loyalty can extract a price from their partners, because they may be more likely to say blunt and hurtful things.


Fortunately, Roloff said, self-monitoring is normally distributed, so most people end up with a partner who falls somewhere in the middle. A person who moderately self-monitors may have great social skills and the ability to be unguarded with their partner when necessary.

*takes a bow* I do what I can King...

That's it..... we should pair Tori (who has proclaimed to be doomed to be alone) and Glimmer - who we all know is alone...

Bastardly Matchmakers we are...

i think ive already filled that spot in my heart assigned for "the bastardly dude".

sorry..

Just because Valetines is coming up...

And some more from Jerry....

Talk to you guys later...

i guess its time to change the sig then :)

Glimmer... If Gary Coleman can find "love" then there is worlds of hope for you... There is no way in hell he's better then you... Though your standards may be higher then his....

Hehe... Maybe I'll send you a little something myself...

What am I suppose to download on the link.... ?? *sctaches head*

If I get a virus I'm mailing to you....

it's safe. :)

Got it... Listened to it... Sounded pretty cool... Don't know if because I only have one ear piece on the headphones that works, but I couldn't understand the lyrics... What did they say?

Thanks... I love them too...

I feel better knowing that it wasn't just me...

anyway..tla since you mentioned the get'em at last call thing.

for years i thought the lyrics to husker du song games

seems some of this be covering some loser kids +clubs/bars slant.

but i often read bob mould lyrics wrongso who knows what it's really about. ha ha

I could stay here the rest of my life
I could be happy, never be lonely
I dont need to go looking for misery
I could surround myself with my props
Playing my part, getting caught up
In a game, some game, that anyone can play

I could be proud of things I have done
Pretend I dont have to try to be someone
I could say that Ive done it all before
I could get wiser, I could get jaded
I could remember, I could just fade away
In a game that anyone can play

I am so proud, I dont have to try
Never a need to justify it when
People say "hey I was important too"
Memories go to reinforce
The things I have done, for better or worse
Its a game that anyone can play

Just when you think that all your answers are so right
Youll fade away and disappear from sight
The ones who said youre great will find another way

I could be sad, I could be lonely
I could still have some friends if I only
Didnt play the games I had to play
I was important when I was cool
Now it gets lonely playing the fool
Its a game that anyone can play

u knwo Glimmer, if you really wanted to lose your virginty, you can get a hooker.

but reagrdless, i know how you feel, for some reason, and, i guess unlike Glimmer, i kinda have some self confidence most of the time, uim still single.

cant really tell you why, i mean, i never thought i was SO ugly that people would automaticlly NOT want to date me....but, its odd how i feel like the best i ever have about myself in the past year or so, and, still, cant find no one.

like i said, its odd cause i know im unattractive, but i never thought i was SO unattractive that my uniqeness and the good person i think i am is over shadowed by that.

maybe it is, and i just dont see it.

IDK, if you asked me 2 years ago i coudl prolly rant about why i was single, but these days, i honestly cant give you a believeable reason as to why i AM single.

god i hate valentines day.

yup, sure as shit can be fucking miserable in a relationship.

Word.

my whole family's like that....entire societies have lame sex lives and abosultely no love drive whatsover

my family comes from a long line of shitheads...think guys having many wives and thousands of concubines and the guy is an ass of a pompous pimp and he basically makes h...anyhow

cut back to modern day 2008 and you've got tthe same shit except one wife and two kids and five cars and house in the hills...but nobody's being honest, or dirty, or having a good time it's always "manners and rules and blah" so you end up on day going home and seeing mom fighting with dad and then mom complains to you ALL day but never actually tells dad the shit she tells you so you say "shut the fuck up mom"

and you're kicked out

:)


anyhow...totally agree people...go out with a guy or girl that will be honeest and not a little wimp or someone who's worried about looks and appearance

Anyone know why Glimmer's been pretty silent lately... I miss him...

"by defination,virgins,nerds,geeks,losers,must never have a remote chance of bedding a female,unless of course the event is the result of a dare,a bet,a threat, or some sort of financial transaction...some are born to rejected again and again.."

uh,no that was some random kid on the net. he's the voice of a generation.really.....

Hey glim!

Here's an mp3 for ya to listen to/download. If you want.
mp3 Song by the group DOES IT OFFEND YOU, YEAH?, called We Are Rockstars.

No probs mate!

BlueToiletDuck Feb 14th 2008

u knwo Glimmer, if you really wanted to lose your virginty, you can get a hooker

you know i'll address this coulda go to a hooker thing later.when i get abit of energy...and i want to give evryone a bit of a break bewteen barrrages. ha ha ha...ha..... :)